Home Sweet Home

although I haven't posted in over a week, this post, unfortunately does not contain lots of juicy information about adventures in NYC. instead, this post, perhaps one of its kind, is about my trip home this past week. This was the only trip I'll be making home all summer, which is a little bit daunting, when i consider that I have two entire months left in the city. I guess going home was a strange feeling because I didn't realize how much I missed it until I was there. Being in my own bed room, walking through the front door late at night as i'd done in high school, roller blading on the side walk in front of my house. These are all memories from my past that this week I was able to relive. I think that because I left Brunswick and Bowdoin so early, I never truly realized that I was missing out on anything. Of course I knew I was missing my best friends, but I took for granted the little things that a small New England town has to offer. I suddenly became more aware of how unique it was being on the mall downtown, surrounded by people I'd known for years. And of course you see people you don't want to see, and have to fake smiles and give hugs, but it didn't seem as bad as i thought it was. Coming back to the city, and today taking a trip to an area I'd never been to, make me so much more aware of how small I am here. And although I first thought I'd like it, i'm starting to realize that I'm the kind of person that wants to make a different, wants to be known, wants to be heard. At a place like Bowdoin I am able to do that, to be an active participant in the community in which I live, rather than another New Yorker trying to get where they're going on time. Going home was a strange experience because I guess I'd never been away from home in that sense before. Taking a shower and not remembering how to make the water warmer was definitely a first for me. And the smells. The smells in that house brought me right back to all the things I loved. I miss that house. I miss the way you can smell the salt in the air from the ocean rolling off the coast. These things became so apparent after living in a completely different environment. I couldn't help but feel the entire time I was home that I didn't want to return to new york, I wanted to stay here, and live my maine summer at the beach, riding bikes, eating cote's, soaking in everything my hometown had to offer. I know it probably seems crazy, because I never even left my home town, but being at Bowdoin is different, because you don't appreciate things about Brunswick in the same way. Now that I'm back in the city, a lot of these feelings have passed, and I am happy to be on this adventure, but at the same time, in the back of my head, I cannot wait to be back at Bowdoin enjoying life the way it should be. I keep thinking that after Bowdoin I'll want to work In New York at a Law Firm or in Boston or a big city, but I think I'll need to consider that more now that i've had this experience. In the next two months I'm really hoping to find peace with my current state of being more alone than usual, and more bored than usual, and more independent than usual. Really I want to use this time to be okay with my choice of bowdoin, to be okay being alone when i return to bowdoin, to be strong enough to walk away from the things in life that aren't worth fighting for. And I hope that being here, in this city, where supposedly if you can make it here you can make it anywhere, I will find the strength to do all of those things and be ready to face whatever challenges life throws at me.